My husband has so gotten used to me with a full face of makeup on, I don’t think he would even be able to pick me out in a police line up bare faced. I’m serious! Last year my little family and I were at the beach (and Im sorry but if I’m at the beach with just my family I am NOT going to put on a full face of makeup) and for three days my glorious face shown in it’s true glory..completely product free. So for three days straight, my husband asked me are you putting on makeup today? Umm.. no honey. We are at the beach, who is going to see me?And hubby would just shrug his shoulders. Well, by the third day of him asking me if I was going to put on makeup, I turned to him and said what is your deal with the makeup thing? Hubby replied (and I will never forget this) “Well, I mean you are just such a talented makeup artist..” My face lit up and he continued “BECAUSE you look sooo different without any makeup on.” Well, he must have noticed my crushed expression because he immediately said “I’m trying to compliment you!” Well, his definition and my definition of a compliment must be taken out of two different books. Now before you start muttering to yourself of what an insensitive jerk my husband is, please know that in his head he wasn’t really insulting me. I know his heart, and that was not his intention. However, his comment lives on with me today. It made me think of how people view me…
I am a professional makeup artist, I HAVE to wear makeup every day. I am selling my craft by using my face as advertisement. Future clients really do judge me based on my looks. If I were in their shoes I would do the same thing. Who would hire a makeup artist that can’t even apply straight eyeliner on herself? Not many people. Would you go to a hairdresser who’s hair you hated? Probably not. It is not easy being in the beauty industry because I feel the need to be up to date on all things beauty related, often times my own outer looks laying on the forefront of my mind.
So this got me thinking….who am I without all the makeup and perfectly flat ironed hair? I painstakingly apply 20+ makeup products each day (given I can do it in less than 5 minutes, but still…) IF I did a reality check in my heart, I really feel that the “made up” version of myself has more value than the girl who first wakes up in the morning void of all the products.
*SIGH* I really am that vain.
And with my 30th birthday approaching in two weeks, I’ve come to the realization that one day my looks will fade, and what will I be left with? It’s hard when your head says one thing and your heart says another. Because truly on the inside I want to be know for a kind heart; a true beauty that shines from the inside out. But so many times throughout the day I fail at achieving even the most basic kindness towards others. How many times have I walked into a store, taken a look at the closest female and judge her based on her appearance…too many to count. I am so much better than her because I know how to apply eyeliner…or I can’t believe she went out the house looking like that, did she even look in a mirror? Yes, I’ve thought that, and yes I’ve judged others. Or I think to myself how much better I do XY or Z in comparison to some of my friends. OUCH! Even writing this I’m cringing. And really when it boils down to it, I really am just looking for some acceptance from myself. “Ok, Im not the ugly. I do have some worth.”
What does God say about outward beauty? That “man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at his heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 and in Proverbs 31:3 “beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
I look forward to completely loving who God created me to be inside and out. Am I there yet? no. Maybe by the time I reach my 40th birthday in ten years… All I can do is take one day at a time, and hopefully extend love and grace to those I come into contact with on a daily basis. I pray for a heart that seeks to do the right thing in all circumstances, and to be someone who truly love others. And judging others is not something I want to actively participate in, but the first person I need to practice on is myself.